Tom Volhein

I am having a good morning.  Lately, for the past few weeks, I have been spending mornings and afternoons at a local cafe, Wildflower.  That is where I am right now.  For the most part it is to kill time away from the house.  What I haven’t confessed on this blog is that, since April of this year, I have been suffering from a deep depression and anxiety.   And that condition is exacerbated when I am at home.  That is improving though.

It has been a long, hard road to get to the point that I am now.  I am not “cured,” but I do feel better.  Casualties of this episode in my life include studio work, performing, and even for a while just picking up the guitar and playing.  The studio was the first thing that I lost interest in.  I believe it is because I feel intimidated by the amount of detail and exacting activities that studio work requires.   Depression and anxiety makes that kind of work and responsibility practically impossible for me.  A couple of months ago, I “released” all my clients to another studio.  They were very gracious about it.  So, the studio went dark.  I am hoping to get back into the studio in some way around spring time.

It took me a long time to decide to write about the depression.  I was, and still am, embarrassed about it.  But because it consumed my life for the last seven months there isn’t much else to write about.  It has been a very hard time for me.  I hospitalized myself twice, and have spent most of the seven months trying to find the right meds.  I think that I have finally found the mixture of meds that is about as good as it is going to get med-wise.

I have been in several different out-patient groups, none of which helped much.  I have also tried traditional psychotherapy.  It helped.  I am currently in a form of therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).   It is a long program that I began back in August.  It is helping a lot.  This therapy should formally end next April or May.  That is when I hope to be back to normal.

This is a long and hard road.  My friends and family have been very supportive.  I owe a lot of my healing to them.  I also hired a companion to be with me for a while.  I no longer need her, but it was good to have her there during the really rough times.

I am nervous about blogging such personal affairs.  But the problem is that I don’t have anything else to blog about except my recovery.  So, I have decided to share part of that here.

peace

t

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